Good thing I was forewarned. No, really, it's a good thing. Everyone told me writing is rejection all the time to start with, and I'm glad I listened. Because it's a lot of rejection right now, and although I'm spending a fair amount of time on the edge of my seat, I'm also starting to recognize it for what it is, and relax about it. Okay, so it's rejection. I don't know these people, never met 'em, wouldn't recognize 'em on the street, will probably never have any kind of deep relationship with them. So... it's okay. Thank god there are so many other people in the world.

Learning to move on. I think it's a good thing for my personality too. Last night H reminded me not to dwell, did I already mention this? Anyway, it was one of those pieces of advice that come at just the right time for you to really hear them and take them in, and I've been chewing on it since then and hope to file it away (like that leaving-your-comfort-zone thing) to be used when necessary until it becomes second nature for me.

Don't dwell. This time is not like last time, or maybe it is but how can you know? Just deal with things as they actually are, don't try to think around walls. Don't get stuck in some past thing that didn't work. Do your best for right now. S'okay.

Anyway I got invited to a bbq today, and I don't want to go. I know that's not right, and I have to go because otherwise I'm a rude fuck. So I guess I'm out for the night, then. No big deal, I always have fun at these things... it's just that they eat up so much time.

I'm working on getting things done as efficiently as possible, so I can afford the time to go to a FUCKING BARBECUE WITH MY FRIENDS every once in a while. I think I'll get there. it's a mission.