AND so it is that I became a Serious Published blogger-type person, and that was O-K. Soon, in fact, I was to find myself surrounded by gorgeous horny men with halitosis and drinking problems, smoking endless cigarettes and fucking quite often -

and that was Ok too.

It was when I returned to the bay area that everything got all fucked up, like I mean I got coopted and bossed around and suddenly I realized that I had been awful all this time I had been living for my own self and of course that is wrong. Dug helped me to see that, in fact, I should live for his own self. So I tried that for a while because, really, he is so gorgeous to me (although I suspect I am the only person who sees it) and so funny and wonderful, until all of a sudden it is not wonderful, not wonderful at all, and by then it is too late.

We broke up for good this time, because I told him I wouldn't speak to him until he came up with something nice to say, and he refused. Well then.

His roommate is about to move out, he has no friends left, he has even abused his sister into a defensive spitting corner. He is fucked. It is sad. I picture him alone in his four-bedroom apartment with no roommates, a bag of sex toys and no girlfriend, having a horrible tantrum and burning everything. I think he probably will. I just hope he is not the suicidal type.

Anyway, back to the legs: I am quite happy with my new site, but it is on Dug's server and I'm scared he'll sabotage all my lovely work. My fingers are crossed. I would ask you to cross yours, but at the moment there is no "you". It's for the best.

paxie