You know, neuroses.

I was so high when I wrote that last post, completely bonkers. Now I see there are comments, and I'm not going to read them, not right now. I'm not going to re-read the post, either. I have a little voice inside that is saying hey, guess what, you are getting all infatuated with someone again and you should not do that.

Of course I should do whatever the hell I want to do, I should get infatuated eight times a day if that is what I do naturally. Love makes me happy, and so does infatuation. But still I am insecure about it. Having a big open bloody heart, god it is so frightening sometimes to post about these things.

On the door of my apartment there is a heart, and it has a lion and a lamb and stars and a moon. Beneath it there's a deep scratch in the wood from the time that Evren got mad and tried to rip it off the door.

To the heart's credit, it stayed hung where I had put it. But it is not big enough to hide the scratch, and that damn scratch is never going to go away.


today I watched
shortbus