it's straight (no, forward) back to the old ways.

i just went to meet a girl for a date but she is late so while waiting i texted another girl (denise's ex) to ask her out for tomorrow. then called denise to ask her advice on this girl i am seeing tonight, she is going to come bail me out at 8. when i hung up with denise i got a text from chris who apparently wants phone sex* later.

gilbert is mad at me because i still won't go out with him on a date no matter how many times he hints at it.

me? oh fine, i went to the bank and finagled a $20 bill out of them so i could buy beer, and my friend is coming to visit me on sunday and i think i might not be quite as broke 6 months from now but then you never know.

ho.

there's a little man with a cat head sitting under the little tree next to me and sometimes i wish i could be a homemade clay figurine, always smiling, sitting in the shade with a cat for a head and a coyote sitting next to me telling stories from the road.

today i did yoga and for the first time ever i aligned my spine all by myself. it was like a burst of sunlight in my frontal lobe. I GET IT that was rad.

happy friday fuckers

*ps i don't do phone sex but usually the other person doesn't notice that i'm not doing anything


today I read
the laist roster, hello how is it that i know half the people on there? i live in fucking san francisco.

oh man, shit dude, blogger just forced me to switch over to the new blogger. whatevs.

i just got in from walking all over san francisco because i had a job meeting at 11 and an interview at 3, and i had 17 dollars in nickels, dimes, and quarters (yes that is all i have to my name right now) so i spent a lot of time doing things that are free. like, walking. and sitting in the library. and taking pictures of the triangle building which, if you stand under it at the right angle, looks like it is a mile high:



anyway i just got home, had a snort of tequila and a slim-fast shake with added coffee, and got 3 hours to do some work before jen comes over to watch Lost.

oh yeah and i hooked up with my ex-gf's ex-gf at a party the other night, that was rad. my bf wanted to get on her too, but she only likes girls. HA

today I read
the onion

eddi eddi eddi

for reals. hi, sunshine. thanks for being the one to actually read this. i have missed you.

You know, neuroses.

I was so high when I wrote that last post, completely bonkers. Now I see there are comments, and I'm not going to read them, not right now. I'm not going to re-read the post, either. I have a little voice inside that is saying hey, guess what, you are getting all infatuated with someone again and you should not do that.

Of course I should do whatever the hell I want to do, I should get infatuated eight times a day if that is what I do naturally. Love makes me happy, and so does infatuation. But still I am insecure about it. Having a big open bloody heart, god it is so frightening sometimes to post about these things.

On the door of my apartment there is a heart, and it has a lion and a lamb and stars and a moon. Beneath it there's a deep scratch in the wood from the time that Evren got mad and tried to rip it off the door.

To the heart's credit, it stayed hung where I had put it. But it is not big enough to hide the scratch, and that damn scratch is never going to go away.


today I watched
shortbus

yes, because actually he is amazing. he puts little sunshines in my eyes, and i mean that in the totally cheesiest of ways. chris, i mean. is awesome. we hung out for days. then we went out on sunday night, drinking tequila and organic lemonade ("because that's how i roll"), went to an underground club and tried to dance together and got so turned on that we had to go and fuck in the backseat of his rental car, parked right on the well-lit street in the tenderloin, with crackheads trying to peer in.

the funny thing, though, is that he says his libido fluctuates a lot. which is great because mine does too. and he is the first guy i've ever met who doesn't have to bust a nut every time he gets a stiffy. he is totally capable of fucking for a while and then rolling over and talking about something else, and then getting up and going to work.

also: does a dead-on impersonation of kip (from napoleon dynamite). knows lots of monty python songs by heart. makes bad puns, constantly, with a dumb grin. has been in the rave scene since we were in high school, and openly bisexual even longer. has gone to burning man 14 times. sports a butt-rock combover mohawk.

wants to build an earthship. EARTHSHIP!!! i went nuts over those a couple years ago.

we know the same songs and the same parties and the same people but never crossed paths... except, of course, as small children, when we were at the alternative preschool together.

i think this is going to be a big one, folks.

today I listened to hella
tvotr. watch this video, because it's good.